Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
