You're my little dorito
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
