and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
