Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
