At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
did i walk over a car last night?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
