I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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