i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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