i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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