She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
