I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dicks are not precious.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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