and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
