You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize