3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
