she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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