I am puke
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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