Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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