we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
