Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
