she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
