..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
