belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
