It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
