I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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