What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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