i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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