What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
