I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
