I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
