Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
