how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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