I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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