im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
