...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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