Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
