Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
