I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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