remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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