Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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