i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
