you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
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You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point