I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
