We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
