I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.