so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
