I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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