i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
