she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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