3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
