my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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