Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
