I'm really into asian looking animals
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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