I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
