either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
