Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
