She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
