Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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