Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
