Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
