is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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