Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize