just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
