I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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