My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
