Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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