I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell