pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located