I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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