She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
