my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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