Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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