idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
