You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
