We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
