she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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