i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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