wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
