I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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