just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
