I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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