We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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