i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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