I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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