My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
handjob tips. give me some.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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