Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
