I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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