were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
