I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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