Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
