don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
