Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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